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Men: What the hell is going on?

by danversn Published: July 23rd, 2009 15 comments so far

Danvers

By Natasha Danvers

Ok that’s it I’ve had enough! Its time for me to speak my mind on this issue. What the heck has happened to men in this country!? Britain used to be known for being the place to find the true gentleman! Well I’m here to tell you the true gentleman is an endangered spices because the ones I see around here are fakes!

I remember the days when a man would offer his seat to a woman if she was standing but now they fight pregnant women to get on the train first! Shock horror! I remember when a man would open the door for a woman, now they go in first and let the door swing shut in your face.

But I can’t help but wonder if women are to blame for this turn of events. The fight for equal rights seems to have swung the pendulum way past centre leaving us women at the back sometimes. And although women can do many things men can the fact is we are not equal. Even athletics shows there is a clear difference between what woman are physically able to do and what men are able to do. We are just different and that’s not such a bad thing.

By nature I believe men were designed to take care of and be the protectors of women and their families. Women were designed to take care of and nurture their men and their families.

May sound dated but I don’t think the differences between how men and women act and function in society are for nothing. Maybe the way things were in the past were a little much but I think the way things are now is a little too much also.

Surely we can find a happy medium where a woman can expect a man to open the car door for her if he takes her out on a date. A place where an old lady doesn’t have to plead with a young man to sit down on the bus. I don’t know… I just miss chivalry, I miss what the man with the bowler hat and the black umbrella used to represent. But I tell you this, my son will be raised as a gentleman because I guess creating true gentleman starts at home.

And any daughter of mine will expect nothing less. I don’t know where they all went but I say… BRING BACK THE TRUE GENTLEMAN!

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 23rd, 2009 at 3:55 pm and is filed under Men. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

15 Responses to “Men: What the hell is going on?”

  1. malaku Says:

    July 26th, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    Women are from Neptune men are from Earth. maybe. how many times have i held open the door for women and they just pass through without even saying thank you. How many times have i been nice and generous to the female sex only to have the favour totally ignored by not showing some appreciation. instead i feel like a complete muppet because i really do think that i should treat women with honour, respect, and to shower them with adoration and love. instead i am treated like a softie, my gentlemanliness is totally being ignored and i do know men who would qualify as dogs, who get more attention than what a good man deserves. yet i remain strong, i remain real, i have no other choice but to be myself, there is no going back, i can only get stronger.

  2. Ann Brown Says:

    July 27th, 2009 at 9:33 am

    If you look at the family structure that should answer your question.

  3. John Says:

    August 25th, 2009 at 8:30 am

    Men have always been known for their chivalry. If they are treated well by women, they get treated better in return. If women want to be taken good care of by their men, they need to respect and treat their men with dignity.

  4. Donpilco Says:

    September 16th, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    Natasha, I too have lived with this ideal, however, I now believe women are fair game in this dog eat dog world. Women are only women when it suits them playing both sides of the coin, the fragile femine woman and then the hard nosed fearless career go getters. I say get your own doors, buy your own drinks and stop expecting men to be ‘gentlemen’. Where Freud is concerned i believe in the concept of survivial of the fittest, this concept makes no distinction between male and females, hence we are equal, so why should i or anyone connected with me to be a carpet for the female species. The day a female buys me a drink or opens a door without knowning me her is the day i’ll consider changing my mind. I think it will be a cold day in hell before this happens mind you. BTW Congrats for Beijing!

  5. Bobby Lue Says:

    September 19th, 2009 at 5:12 am

    OF CHIVALRY CONSIDERED

    Chivalry….Hmmmm! I have to say that there is something rather noble about chivalry in the old days. Men jumping over each other to open doors, offering to cut Ms. Jones lawn because she lives alone, running to the assistance of a young woman struggling with 6 shopping bags, etc. But the truth is though, these are actions that can get you shot, or labled as a pervert today, you know.

    In addition, working with ‘upwardly mobile’ women is a rather different ball game. At the risk of starting a war, I want to peacfully say that when women proverbially tore off the bra’ and put on the pants suit, it revolutionized the social spectrum. Heck, I find myself sometimes competing with women to hold doors now. You date one of these young professional women and visit their flat and offer to take out their garbage – “that’s OK, I got it”. How can I blame them though? Independence is power! Hell, I even had to politely tell one young lady once that I don’t breath very well when she lays on top of me – I prefer that position (wink-wink).

    The point is though, that while chivalry is a noble gester, re-culturing our society of men and women to to return to this, might very well be nothing but a dream differed. I meam, I do it regardless. But the women that advocate a return to the norms of chivalry are loosing the battle to the pants suit – there is power in the pants suit. And with the pant suit comes certain realities. So what do we do – bring back shivalry at the expense of women’s newly found independence? I have to say that I have become accustom to my (female) boss insisting on holding the door for me, I am not going to fight with her! I even catch her looking at my tusshh too! Hey…I’m cool with that….I do the same.

  6. pb Says:

    September 20th, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    Women only have themselves to blame for the lack of chivalry shown to them by men.For under the guise of demanding equality too many women actually want the best of both worlds and keep shifting the goal posts accordingly.It,s therefore not surprising that increasing numbers of men understandably don,t know what women want from them.
    Also equality between men and women cuts both ways so what right do women have to set the agenda here?Men shouldn,t have to sit back passively waiting until women have decided what they want.Men have rights as well and too many men have found out the hard way that women often see kindness,decency and sensitivty as a weakness in men.And that such women will always choose the hardcore macho badboys over the nice guys.Additionally men are as much the products of the families and communities they grew up in as women.And in many families and communities it is the women who set the tone.So before blaming men for everything perhaps women should take a long hard look at themselves.And accept that if men aren,t chivalrous anymore they only have themselves to blame.

  7. martin Says:

    September 21st, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    I would like to stand up for the true gentleman. I will always hold the door open for people who are not far behind me regardless of who they are. I always think it is nice to smile and say please and thankyou to brighten up peoples day. However I do think courtesies such of this are rarer now for a nubmer of reasons . The ammount of immigration to this country from other countries where such courtesy isn’t enjoyed . The fact that our younger indgenous population has been brought up with less respect for their elders and the opposite sex . Also the fact that equal rights has left men wondering how much they can do for women with out being accused of being sexist. Finally often when men do go out of their way to do something like this they rarely get thanked or even a smile.
    How ever I do it because it makes me happy and will continue that trend.

  8. 9xzulug Says:

    September 25th, 2009 at 12:19 am

    as a oldschool man from the sixties,chivarly is nearly gone unless your from the oldschool days.i see women acting like men,men acting like women,testerone levels comes to mind.men disrespecting women,women disrespecting men.money is behind alot of the problem because society portrays it.hence are siblings will continue the decline for the worse.respect all,and all will respect you.peace n unity 2 all.jah know

  9. Rjnr09 Says:

    October 1st, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    i want a gentleman but seems we havent gone many in london can anyone direct me to where they are al hiding, lol , the worst part is in other countries people think this is where they all are but they would get the shock of their life if they were to visit… what a shame !

  10. Minsky Brown Says:

    October 1st, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    I came on here to comment on this weeks article on ‘wastemen’- however as this is in my oppinion a linked topic, I shall comment here.
    Equality, equal rights, burning of bras etc.. has nothing to do with it, it is merely good manners for a man to respect and treat a women with gentle kindness.
    I am soooo disappointed with my UK ‘brothers’, as they have become the worst of the lot.
    Brothers, UK brothers in the main, seem to think that all sisters want to do is demean and disempower them, there is no trust left between us.
    What does it cost a human being to hold a door, buy a drink or pay for a meal for another person?
    - it saddens me, as these simple acts of loving kindness, have become symbols of power to a large no. of black men.
    In my experience, brothers from ‘home’ either africa, the carribbean or even south asia have MUCH, MUCH better manners, and have been brought up to hold women with a higher regard, and not to fear looking out for them.
    They don’t see a woman as an adversary or competitor; like its a war going on between us.
    And in my oppinion, find it much easier to be a ‘man’ in a woman’s presence, which includes the natural instinct, which should be to look out for her protection.
    - financially & physically.
    Sorry UK born men, something has gone amiss from your upbringing, this is a result of poor socialisation skills and a lack of positive reinforcement of male characteristics and role in both the home & society.
    I was absolutely bowled over recently when my 20 yr old daughter’s boyfriend, also 20yrs old, on meeting me & her father for the first time, brought her father a gift, and held out my chair for me to be seated first at the restaurant.
    - Thank goodness for Mother Afrika, as she still produces REAL men.

  11. R.H.Christie Says:

    October 7th, 2009 at 4:40 am

    I am not exactly what you would call a gentleman, because I was bred to be a eagle not a sparrow. But I have what is undoubtedly good manners, as that is a function of how I was raised.

    Notwithstanding, I live in a world where I too must reconcile with the reality that chivalry and courtesy might not exactly be the same things. Male courtesy is nearly always appreciated by a woman. But chivalry today is not always as welcoming as it used to be. Since chivalry largely involves random acts of men caring for strange women, it might be worth something to mention that many women today (like most men) have come to define themselves by their independence, and will hastily assert it if a guy fails to recognize it. That could be a blow to chivalry.

    As Bobby Lue indicated, chivalry today can easily be seen as a guy hitting on a woman. And this is not to excuse any guy’s discourteous behavior. It is just to point out why some guys could easily see this a risk averse behavior. However, we should all aspire to be civil and thoughtfully to each other; men to women, women to men, men to men, and especially women to women (but that is whole other story by itself).

  12. Joseph Otieno Adamson Says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 1:21 am

    This is what I think, women have been fighting for equality and freedom for decades, now they are free, they do not know what to do

  13. Nicola Gold- ( Manchester- facebook) Says:

    January 26th, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Our good black men, where are they?

    Calling all the black men, there are women who believe in you, you can treat us right, just show yourselves!

    I am sick and tired of hearing the bad stories about black men, gangsters, yardies, women beaters, cheaters. Where are all the positive stories? Why are black men often tarred with the same brush of women’s bad experiences and stigma. Surely there are good black men out there. Where are you?!!!!!! I want to hear from you!

  14. Patricia Arnold Says:

    May 17th, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    Nicola Gold

    Good black men are alive and well. But some of us don’t recognise them. They’re usually the untrendy, polite types who meet you on time etc. Many women THINK THEY’RE BORING but believe me you can be pleasantly surprised at how great these guys can be when you get to know them. I’ve got one and he’s wonderful. I almost didn’t give him a look in!

  15. daganson Says:

    July 19th, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Do women love Jay Z, Usher, etc because they are chivalrous? Somehow, I don’t think so…

    The “modern” women is the man and the “modern” man has become the woman…

    Since I am part of a dying breed, I feel like I was born in the wrong time because I have not yet met a woman that really goes for a guy because he’s a gentleman… Rather, by what he wears and how he looks and what he drives…

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