By Miss London

Oh readers today is a sad, sad day! I am truly sick and tired of the male species right now. I’m even thinking of starting a new policy: No men until I finish my exams!

University has started back and yours truly is now in her final year. Not only is Kingston University a noted hotspot for black, educated youth, it’s now full of hyped up guys in first year with more testosterone than sense!

Imagine this, it’s a Tuesday afternoon and I’m sitting in the library, typing away on the computer and this any ‘Hunchback of Notre Dame’ looking bamboo head bops up to me and says: “Ayyooo my size!!! Gimme ur number init!”

“Excuse you?! What kind of Mary Joanna you been smoking!?” I reply offended.

“Firstly I am NOT your size – my feet are size 6 my body 8-10 – so what SIZE are you referring to exactly?

“Secondly, my name is not “Ayooo”, “Oi”, “Pssst” or “My Girl!” If you wish to know my name, ask for it! It’s a great opener and it might just lead to something us ‘regular’ people call A CONVERSATION!”

“Thirdly, what makes you think you can just walk up to a stranger and say ‘give me your number’? If it was that easy to get someone’s number I would have phoned Chris Brown time ago!

“And finally…YOU’RE UGLY!!!”

Ok, maybe that was a bit harsh, but it was true!

What happened to getting to know one another and going on dates? The men of 2009 are just lazy and are not interested in that anymore, it’s all about “GIMME YOUR NUMBER” and “ARE YOU GONNA BANG THO?” despite the answer to both of those questions usually being NO!! But does that stop them? Nope!

*sighs* Men, when will they ever learn?

I must admit that a good chat-up line does work on me! I appreciate that it must take a lot for a guy to pluck up the courage to waltz on over to me, but come on guys, find some originality! Change it up a bit by asking us what we do, or what our favourite colour might be! Try and crack a joke…do something that makes us remember you!

I will never forget the time I got chirpsed (this means when a man asks for a ladies phone number by way of compliments) by Daniel. Oooh Daniel was really tall, with chocolate skin, brown eyes and a great smile. My girls and I nick named him “pretty” because he had the cutest eyelashes! To be honest, he was a bit on the skinny side and needed a bit of work in the body department, but nobody’s perfect! However, what Daniel didn’t have in muscles he made up for in charisma – his game was on POINT!

I’m about to give you a run down of the Daniel effect – FELLAS TAKE NOTE!!

Let me set the scene, I’m in Club Penthouse with my Girls and I’m sitting by the bar. DJ Dexter from K.I.G family has just finished his funky house set and my feet are killing me! I notice Daniel from across the room, he’s talking to a pretty mix-raced girl, but we catch eyes and continue to exchange glances. Note that the first time I see Daniel he’s talking to a girl, which means that another girl is interested – all girls secretly love a guy who’s in demand!

Although we had exchanged no words at this point, I knew that the mixed-raced girl he was talking to was not his girlfriend –he had spent their whole conversation looking at me!

When my girls announced that they wanted to do the girl thing and venture to the toilets, I decided to stay and see how things panned out with Daniel. No sooner had my girls departed before Daniel signalled to me that he’d be over to talk to me in two minutes. I smiled and purposely made a point of turning away from Daniel and pretended that I wasn’t really fussed.

With my back to him, I anxiously waited for him appear. Minutes turned into nearly half an hour, by which time my girls had come back from the toilets! Note that he kept me waiting, which meant that he had the upper hand.

By now my girls were begging me to join them on the dance floor and I’m beginning to run out of excuses. Just as I’m about to get out of my seat Daniel appears beside me at the bar. He completely ignores me and orders a drink. He waits for it in silence. Note, he’s smooth and is not rushing or giving away any clues. As you can imagine, I’m completely baffled right now, but then he hits me with the chat-up line…

The bar man hands Daniel his drink. Daniel removes the ice from the glass and smashes it with his fist against the bar. He turns to me and says:

“Now that the ice is broken, can I buy you a drink?

Please believe he got my DIGITS!!!!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 2:51 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.